Healing

I feel like I'm trying too hard
Like I'm getting a running start
But the path seems too far
To get to where You are
Trying to destroy the walls around me
Desperately running to every corner to get free
Cause' I can't breathe in here
I weep cause' I just wanna see a glimpse again
I'll stop pretending like my position
Doesn't effect the condition of my heart
I'll stop defending the parts I've swallowed hard
Hoping that the gold stars and my good deeds
Would push them so far deep
That they would sink and never retreat
The memories that creep like a bad dream
And defeat my sense of security
My cheeks wet with tears
From my head full of fears
Falling down my neck
From the pain that vexed my soul
Leaving holes unfixed
Afraid to pick the scabs of my past
Afraid to let the mass of pain
Invade my soul again
Cause' with this pain
I can't pretend
Blood is red
I can't stem the flow
Or blend it with the rest of me
It's revealed for all to see
Maybe that's how You designed it to be
Maybe You want me to be free
To bleed with my need for You
So these contusions would lose their sting
And bring about healing
Realizing
Pain is a familiar name to us all
Since the fall when You called out to Adam
He balled up and was adamant to Your ways
Nothing has changed
We all go astray
And leave You hanging
Your heart's familiar with breaking
And we're waking up from our sleep to see
We've been eating but it's not been feeding us
I dream of how Eden was
The flawless trees of lush
The innocence of a blush
The satisfaction of having enough
But we messed that up
Our souls camped up in a dry land
Making our beds in the sand
Holding hands with death
Breath tight and thin
Wondering when the affliction will end
Drinking but throat still dry
Eating but hunger never satisfied

And tonight...
Here am I.

I have nothing left to give You but my life
With crying breaths welling tears inside
My eyes mirror my weariness from the fight
Yet You reply...
"That's just right
A broken and contrite heart I desire
I never tire of starting again
I'm always tending
To you ever-mending heart
Never to leave a single marred part behind
All the pieces of your scarred life in My hands
With the grandness of My plan in mind
And when it's time to take you through the fire
Realize, child, that my ways are higher and wider
Than your mind can comprehend
I'm just trying to make you moldable
In my hands once again"

Maybe...
You want me to be free
To bleed with my need for You
So these contusions would lose their sting
And bring about healing.

You're curing my pain

My heart is burning
Flames churning high
From the fire You're stirring
You're curing my pain
From all these games I've played
New names; different faces
Same temptations; Same Satan
Weighing on my soul
I've been trying to take control
Trying to play Your roll
When I know I always steer towards the wrong road
This road...
Broad as the flow of the ocean
The surface looks perfectly harmless
Better grab a harness
Cause' the water's tide
Gonna take you as deep as it desires
Full of have truths and whole lies
No black and white lines
Just gray phrases that derange your mind
That's why
The disguise is far more deceiving than you realize
Like this road-with eyes looking fine
With a step takes your breath away
Like quicksand grabbing you like prey
Afraid to look down
As it spirals me around
I sink to the ground
This mountain of guilt
Mounds upon my wrists
From years of life's hits
A permanent prick at my soul
As my grip gives in...

You find me on the ground
Not making a sound
Down in the depths
I've wept too long
No longer strong enough to speak
Yet my silence sings a song to You
Who knew me and knows me now
As I'm on the ground
I'm found by You
Always proven to be true
It's You
I call out Your name
Cause' I know it can save me
One breath of it's fragrance
And all my arrogance flees
I cling to Your feet
As the sting of this world
Hurls strings at me
Tying me up while singing
A tune sounding so close to the truth
Yet here on the ground...
I know it's only You

My heart is burning
From a life full of hurting
Wrong discernings and flirting with sin
Surging from a yearning within
From a pit much deeper than skin
Wanting it all to end
Wondering when You'll break in
So the fear will subside
And my eyes will dry
Break me in pieces I don't mind
Cause' my only piece is when I stop trying
To bind my own wounds
It's You
I choose to let Your touch heal my bruises
A sweetly broken surrender
Where I render all and keep none
Done with the games and names I put on sin
You win...

My heart is burning
Flames churning high
From the fire You're stirring
You're curing my pain