Healing

I feel like I'm trying too hard
Like I'm getting a running start
But the path seems too far
To get to where You are
Trying to destroy the walls around me
Desperately running to every corner to get free
Cause' I can't breathe in here
I weep cause' I just wanna see a glimpse again
I'll stop pretending like my position
Doesn't effect the condition of my heart
I'll stop defending the parts I've swallowed hard
Hoping that the gold stars and my good deeds
Would push them so far deep
That they would sink and never retreat
The memories that creep like a bad dream
And defeat my sense of security
My cheeks wet with tears
From my head full of fears
Falling down my neck
From the pain that vexed my soul
Leaving holes unfixed
Afraid to pick the scabs of my past
Afraid to let the mass of pain
Invade my soul again
Cause' with this pain
I can't pretend
Blood is red
I can't stem the flow
Or blend it with the rest of me
It's revealed for all to see
Maybe that's how You designed it to be
Maybe You want me to be free
To bleed with my need for You
So these contusions would lose their sting
And bring about healing
Realizing
Pain is a familiar name to us all
Since the fall when You called out to Adam
He balled up and was adamant to Your ways
Nothing has changed
We all go astray
And leave You hanging
Your heart's familiar with breaking
And we're waking up from our sleep to see
We've been eating but it's not been feeding us
I dream of how Eden was
The flawless trees of lush
The innocence of a blush
The satisfaction of having enough
But we messed that up
Our souls camped up in a dry land
Making our beds in the sand
Holding hands with death
Breath tight and thin
Wondering when the affliction will end
Drinking but throat still dry
Eating but hunger never satisfied

And tonight...
Here am I.

I have nothing left to give You but my life
With crying breaths welling tears inside
My eyes mirror my weariness from the fight
Yet You reply...
"That's just right
A broken and contrite heart I desire
I never tire of starting again
I'm always tending
To you ever-mending heart
Never to leave a single marred part behind
All the pieces of your scarred life in My hands
With the grandness of My plan in mind
And when it's time to take you through the fire
Realize, child, that my ways are higher and wider
Than your mind can comprehend
I'm just trying to make you moldable
In my hands once again"

Maybe...
You want me to be free
To bleed with my need for You
So these contusions would lose their sting
And bring about healing.